Here I am in my early twenties playing tug a war with God. I knew the things that I was doing weren't right but being young living in Atlanta having the time of my life.
As a child living with my grandmother I grew up in church. It seemed like we went to church every day. She was an evangelist, so she was always talking with people, always praying for people, always visiting the sick people, and I just felt like that was too much. So I said to myself when I grow up and live on my own I will not go to church anymore. And that's exactly what I did.
In 2002 I began to hang out all the time at every and any club. I began to meet all types of people, even a lot of celebrities. And that's when the alcohol, drugs, and sex became a part of my everyday routine. I really did enjoy drinking so whomever would buy me a drink I was all for it. I didn't have any responsibilities or anyone to go home to so most of the time I drank myself or popped pills until I passed out. And in the midst of all my reckless behavior God was still right there watching over me.
Unknowingly chasing after something that I couldn’t get my hands on. I continued partying hanging out drinking and doing drugs, talking to guy after guy. And on this particular night of partying I guess that I drank, smoked, and popped to many pills I woke up two days later in an empty building on the floor. But God!
And I knew right then something had to change. I could have been raped, robbed, or left for dead but God kept me safe for a reason. So at age 23 I found me a church home and started going to church. I stopped hanging out as much and I definitely stopped popping pills. I didn't stop having sex or drinking so therefore I was still playing tug a war with God.
Fast forward to age 29 I thought I had everything my own house, my own car, and money saved in the bank. I thought that I was doing everything right in my book but I still hadn’t submitted my life over to God. I didn’t like being by myself so I wouldn’t give up dating and having sex. I ended up settling for a man that I knew wasn’t right for me, but I didn’t like being single.
I should have talked to God more and given that part of my life over to Him but I wasn’t taught how to do that. I wasn’t taught that Abba Father was the lover over my life. I wasn’t taught that I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I wasn't taught that Elohim loved me for who I really was because He already knew me and didn’t want anything from me but to submit my life over to Him and follow His way. In James 4:7 it states "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you, before you were born I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 NIV